In a colonized world that loves its binaries, refusing to conform to gender expectations and existing beyond those boundaries as a non-binary person (NB or enby) can be so magical and also… so exhausting. From having to choose between binary bathrooms—to being asked to give repeated grammar lessons on pronouns—to feeling perpetually unseen and unrecognized for your gender and personhood, these are just a few constant reminders of a world that was not built for us can feel very defeating and overwhelming.
Self-love, then, is a radical and powerful and necessary tool that we can use for ourselves and each other to combat all of the invalidation and hatred we face in our everyday lives. Self-love is a practice and a process; I will readily admit that I am hardly perfect in caring, accepting, and loving myself. These affirmations are much easier for me to give to you than even for me to believe fully for myself. And that’s okay. It takes time to internalize these loving statements and overwrite the doubtful ones, but today is as good a day as any to practice.
You absolutely are enough.
I promise. Wherever you are in your journey, however much left you have to figure out, you are absolutely enough in this moment, right now. There is nothing lacking or wrong with you because of the way you feel about your gender or the way your gender presents itself.
Furthermore, you are trans enough. So often, trans non-binary people feel unheard and discredited—or pressured to prove ourselves as “truly trans” or not-cis. However, the reality is that there are no wrong ways to be trans or non-binary, and transness is not a competition or race. You are trans enough, and I believe you.
(In fact, questioning whether or not you are trans enough is such a common trans experience that I’d say just that act on its own could “prove” that you are, indeed, trans enough.)
Your gender is beautiful.
Stunning. Fabulous. Exquisite. Your gender is beautiful and honest. It’s so real, and the world is a finer place for witnessing it.
It’s okay if you don’t know everything right now. You are wholly lovable just the way you are right now.
It’s okay if you aren’t sure what name, gender, labels, or pronouns are right for you yet. It’s okay if those change or continue to change. It’s okay if you never figure it out. It’s okay if you don’t know whether or not you want to biomedically transition. It’s okay if you don’t know whether or not you want to socially transition. It’s okay if you didn’t know you were trans since you were a young child. It’s okay if aren’t sure whether or not you are non-binary. It’s okay if you don’t know everything right now. You don’t have to be certain to be valid and valuable.
Take the time you need to explore and figure things out. You deserve that.
You are not alone.
Non-binary gender identities have existed for as long as gender has existed. Although our language around gender may have changed and new words may have emerged, non-binary genders are not a recent trend or fad. There is a beautiful and extensive history of gender nonconforming and trans non-binary ancestors who are so proud of you for being who you are today.
Today, there are so many enbies living all over the world—just check #NonBinaryTwitter for a quick peek. You are not alone and you are needed.
Your existence is revolutionary.
You are needed simply for your existence. We are showing the world what gender can look like without boundaries and binaries, a vision that is too often left out and and diminished. Non-binary people actively challenge the norms and expectations of gender, just by living their authentic lives. When we live in a world that tries to destroy and neglect our presence, the existence of enbies is revolutionary.
Trying to navigate and survive this very absurdly binary world (where everything from bathrooms to eyeglass shops is needlessly gendered) can feel so tiresome and lonely. I know. But you are doing just enough, and your existence and perseverance are inspiring.
Hold on to these affirmations and repeat them to yourself and your fellow enbies whenever you need a reminder of your brilliance. Know someone who could use some affirmation? Share this with them now as a gesture of validation and love!