By Jeremy Teal
I think of everything as kinky. If you think about it, everything stimulates somebody in some way, and what else is kink but stimulation. It is all personal—personal being between you and those who you practice your scenes with. One my favorite things about kink is the consensual model that all kink worlds follow. Everyone has to be on the same page to play and to fully realize the scene. Everyone has to play their part and execute it flawlessly, as (in some cases) a person’s life could be in danger.
When I think of consent, I think of the cross-section of where approval meets stimulation and exploration. The idea of kink in my mind is to be in sync with your scene partner(s) from beginning to end, into aftercare and even during the check in on the next day. This constant reminder that you are not alone in this exploration is where the consent to allow someone to stimulate you in ways that only you can image, is where the ultimate pleasure is achieved by those involved. Through communication and understanding, you find your way to satisfaction.
Thinking back on childhood and where I was exposed to sex, I was shown all the tools to know about explorative worlds of sex, pleasure, and self-expression. However, growing up in a suburb of Texas, where the goal was never to stick out but to conform, one quickly lets go of unique desires and replaces them with uniform understandings of what is normal.
When someone asked you about your extracurricular activities, you expressed the two things that black guys did in school, sports or music. Getting to the point with my uniqueness set me apart from my classmates, this was my way of challenging the norm and being different even at a young age. I fed off of the confused energy of who I now know where my submissive peers. We had been conditioned to hide the parts of us that make us unique out of fear of being judged or even worse finding someone similar but, I found real power in knowing that no matter where I went, I would always be center stage. That sort of control isn’t given to us, it is learned, it is studied, it is a kink. Apparently, as a young guy, I had no idea that I was also a switch-sub-pup-boy who dabbled in all sorts of kinks, but looking back on it, I was a kinky little sucker!
Coming back around to the present day of where I teach, I have to consider that not everyone has had the opportunity to explore what a consensual master-slave scene would feel like if they were the slave and someone you appointed was your master. Through complicated, emotional and sociological play, a person can learn a lot about who they are and not only want they dislike in their world outside of kink but most importantly what they love about their world.
I’m no expert in the world of all things raunchy or richer than vanilla, but the truth is stimulation will always be the goal, and consent will still be the key. Finding that cross section and exploring which way you would go, is the whole point of practicing. No one is an expert because your desires grow your knowledge of a situation, scene or scenario. If it makes you feel good, and you’re not harming anyone (that hasn’t asked for it), just do it and enjoy it. It is your kinky life, and you have to live it for you.
This Wednesday, February 7th, we will be continuing the conversation on being QPOC and kinky at our community discussion, Let’s Talk: Queer & Kinky. You can RSVP on Facebook.